All of us have an idea as to what needs to be improved in ourselves. Based on this realisation we constantly plan to bring various small and big changes in our life. In present times some of the changes that people are desperately trying to bring in their selves include quitting vices such as addictions, rage, greed and envy, developing healthier habits of diet control and physical exercise, improving one’s intimate relationships, enhancing efforts to achieve the desired goal and being calm in the face of adversities and so on.
Usually, a plan to execute change is made and carried out but success is often elusive. After the initial few days of excitement and efforts the old dysfunctional pattern takes over and the person is back to square one. Even changing the smallest habit appears to be a mammoth task. Why do we fail even after the best of intentions and efforts? This is when people blame their circumstances, fate and lack of support as the main culprits. However, upon deep introspection one realises that the answer lies within. How easy is it to change oneself? It is quite simple if we understand the barriers to change that exist within and deal with it appropriately.
The first barrier to any change is our tendency to deny or downplay the problem. When we become aware of a problem in ourselves, it injures our self-love and brings fear and pain. In order to restore self-esteem and eradicate fear people take refuge in denial and trivialisation. Thus, they convince themselves and the world that either the problem does not exist or it is not important. However, if people can understand the process of denial and face their pain and frustration, the urge and effort to change will come automatically.
The second important barrier to change is lack of self-confidence. While people want to change, they do not feel confident enough that they will be able to carry it out. Therefore either they shy away from making an attempt or even the minor setbacks devastate them. They give up easily and do not try persistently. They keep on telling themselves ‘you are no good, you will not be able to do anything. It is best to give up and escape the pain of yet another failure.’ If these people can constantly reassure themselves that change will come if they start believing in themselves, their journey towards change and self-growth will be miraculous.
The third crucial barrier to change is drift in focus of attention. Attention is the basic and yet the most significant cognitive capacity to achieve anything. We are a product of our attention. Our attention helps us in registering the problem, understanding it, making a plan and working through it. To solve any problem whether big or small our attention needs to flow in that direction adequately. In present times, due to the information overload and excessive need to indulge in pleasure our attention goes haywire. We acknowledge a problem but soon get distracted and forget the problem at hand. In order to change we need to free our attention from unnecessary engagements and redirect it appropriately. Once attention flows to the right direction it will ensure that the problem is resolved.
Constant self-awareness and self-analysis is the key to bringing desirable changes in oneself. No one can change us, only we can change ourselves.
The writer is a Clinical Psychologist in Delhi.
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